Help! My Sister Wants Me to “Invest” in Her Plan for Getting Rich. Oh God.

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Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

My sister has financial issues and cares for a disabled daughter. To escape her daily life, she has taken to writing a romantic novel. The problem is that she figured, by looking at other romantic authors, that she could make a lot of money doing this. She then learned about self-publishing and ordered 2,000 copies of her book. The novel was not professionally edited, and does not have a good cover or designer. Aside from those issues, the prose is frankly very bad and the plot is trite, to put it kindly.

She now has a storage unit filled with copies of her novel, and I had to lend her money to pay off her credit card debt for the books she printed. I thought that would be the end of that story, and eventually, she would toss the books out. But she has heard from other romance writers that the real money comes when you write a series, and she wants to write two more volumes of this romance. She expects me to lend her money to print them. She’s calling it an “investment.”

I think it’s a money pit, but on the other hand, I know one of the only things that gives her hope is the possibility of becoming a successful writer and making a decent living for herself and her daughter. She was deeply depressed before she started writing, and writing the book helped cheer her up. I’m afraid she’ll go back to being depressed if she discovers she doesn’t really have the chops to be a mega bestselling writer. How do I handle this issue?

—Worried Sister

Dear Worried Sister,

I want this fantasy for your sister. Imagine how great it must feel to have a creative outlet and the belief that you’re on your way to making lots of money.

It’s a great sign that she seems to already be connected to other romance writers. Why don’t you encourage her to tap into their expertise a bit more before she starts the printing process of her next novel?

I don’t know much about the romance or self-publishing book industries, but I did some digging. It seems like she might, at least anecdotally, be onto something about series being better for sales when it comes to the romance genre. There is no shortage of online romance writer communities she can tap into (whether it’s on YouTube, Reddit, Discord, or BookTok). I wonder if she’s considered the lower-cost path many self-published authors take: distributing her work as e-books or on free publishing platforms like Kindle Direct Publishing. Either way, by getting advice from people with expertise in the genre, she can at least be sure she’s going into a second book clear-headed about the smartest ways to invest her money, say, for example, in better covers and marketing versus printing 2,000 copies. And it will probably be better to hear from her fellow writers about the unfortunate reality that publishing books may not be the get-rich-quick cheat code she’s dreaming of, but is still a worthwhile endeavor and outlet for her creative expression.

When it comes down to the subject of your own personal financial “investment” in her, though,
you should tell her, “It’s not in my budget to pay for this, but I know how important it is to you. Let’s contact the bank and see if you can get a personal or business loan.”

Dear Prudence,

My mother-in-law wears a TON of perfume at all times. The smell is so strong I can literally taste it. It lingers in the air for hours after she leaves. I invested in an air purifier, and even then, it takes more than an hour to clear it out. That’s to say nothing of getting it out of the furniture. She is extremely sensitive to any perceived criticism, and my husband thinks we should just deal with it. What’s a good way of handling this?

—My Nose Doesn’t Have an Off Switch

Dear Nose Doesn’t Have an Off Switch,

You have developed a sensitivity to fragrances and have to ask everyone to refrain from using perfume when they visit your home. (This kind of thing actually happens fairly often.)

The downside of this plan is that you’ll have to give up your own scents, too. But it’s the price you pay for not tasting lavender with strawberry shortcake and musk base notes for three hours every time you see her.

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Dear Prudence,

My partner vehemently believes that all empathy and compassion is ultimately self-serving, as in, I wouldn’t care about the victim of that car accident if it didn’t impact me (e.g. traffic) or I couldn’t put myself in their position (how I would feel if I was their mom or their friend). Am I wrong to be put off by this understanding of “compassion”? It feels like I’m being accused of being selfish by caring about others.

—All the Feels

Dear All the Feels,

You’re not wrong. In fact, I would be very, very concerned about being in a relationship with someone who thinks this way. He’s essentially waving a giant red flag with “I’m cynical and heartless and will hurt you” written on it. The thing to do when you see that flag is not to question yourself, it’s to run in the other direction.

Classic Prudie

I’m a divorced mother of three college kids. While I was raising them alone I had no time or money for vacations, home improvements, dates, or my own education. But with them all in college, I returned to school to get my degree and reconnected with my high school sweetheart. I’m in love like never before. He lives out of state but will be moving in with me soon. I want time to bond with him without having the kids around. My house is small and having three young adults around will mean no privacy.

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